Fitting Remarks: The Runner's Rule Book

By Cool J

LL gave the D-man this perfect book for his birthday:

Though his birthday was in July, she gave him the book this past weekend in the Dells. It is a highly entertaining book for runners, and I plan to 'share' several of its chapters in future posts! But I definitely want to "source" this, so please, please, please go pick up your own copy! The author is Mark Remy, along with the editors of Runner's World. You can buy a copy here.

For now, I'll share Rule 2.20 from the book:

"Lookin' Good"...And 10 Other Lies Runners Tell Each Other

Lying is not something we endorse under normal circumstances. But racing is not normal. This is why it's perfectly acceptable- admirable, even- to tell a fellow runner that he is looking good at mile 19 of a marathon when, in fact, he looks like an insomniac zombie who's trying to sneeze but can't, and is confused because someone has apparently switched his normal running shoes with exact replicas made of concrete.

In cases like this by all means, lie.

The "go-to" lie in these situations in that old standby, "Lookin' good!" Variations include: "You look great!"..."Lookin' smooth!" and the hybrid "You're lookin' great!"

Then there's the cruelest lie of all "You're almost there!" (In a marathon, you may hear this one as early as mile 7.) These lies are all well and good. In fact, a race wouldn't be a race without them. But if you'd like to try something more original, try one of these:

• "You look so smooth, I suspect someone has sprayed your joints with PAMTM cooking spray!" (Yes, you must include the TM when you say this.)
• "I am tempted to alert a race official because I could swear that you just walked onto the course, rather than starting with those around you. That is how fresh you look!"
• "If I weren't so awed by the apparent ease with which you're navigating this course, I might be angry with you for nearly knocking me unconscious....with your very awesomeness!"
• "From just the right angle, I'm fairly certain I can detect an actually, visible aura of strength and fluidity surrounding you like a halo! Continue running so that others may bask in it."
• "Go in grace, you lithesome creature of God! Your very presence elevates this road race to levels sublime!"

And if you just cannot bring yourself to lie, there are always those truth-enutral chestnuts: "Keep it up" and "Wo-oo-ooo--o-o!"

Truth, fiction, or neutral, the key is to say something. Even a zombie appreciates a note of encouragement.


As an avid spectator, I know I often repeat the same cheers over and over...I will be a bit more creative with my support in the future!